You are born naturally curious. One of the best things as an aunt is to explore the world again through the eyes of my nieces and nephew. It provides a fresh perspective on things I’ve taken for granted with time. This past weekend, one of my nieces asked a series of questions centered around “what does that mean”? Some might see it as annoying, but for me it’s an opportunity to find new ways to explain things in simpler terms. In the process I’m encouraging her learning and our relationship.

As we age, we encounter many people who discourage our curiosity. These popular phrases are used to discourage curiosity, divergent thinking, and maintain the status quo.

  • Curiosity killed the cat.
  • Stay in your lane.
  • Don’t be nosey.
  • Stop asking so many questions.

We hear them so often we internalize them. We ask fewer questions, take less risks, and “go along to get along”. As a result, our curiosity shrivels, confidence diminishes, and everyone’s learning stagnates.

Moderating Curiosity

Curiosity requires moderation. Too much curiosity leads to distraction or danger.

  • Refreshing your social feed multiple times during the day is a distraction.
  • Turning your neck to watch an accident can lead to your own danger.
  • Giving attention to drama and gossip is a distraction.

Plus, it’s important to respect boundaries. Boundaries set to maintain personal privacy and proprietary business information.

Questions are great filters to help you decide whether you want to go down the rabbit hole.

  • Why am I curious about this?
  • How will I use this information?
  • How does this information make me better?
  • Will this move me toward my goals?
  • What value does this add to my life?

There are many topics to be curious about, but they aren’t relevant to my goals or who I want to be.

I frequently review the content I consume. In the process, I unsubscribe or unfollow what’s not serving my long term growth. This creates space for high-value content. My current selections include client experience, leadership, high-performance sports coaching, design, and relationships. These topics help me learn how I can show up better in all of my relationships.

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Curiosity Comes with Responsibility

Beware of behaviors that discourage curiosity and connection. Shutting down conversations and dismissing feedback creates complacency and apathy. Ignoring the frustration and pain of others creates resentment and diminishes your ability to lead.

Curiosity comes with responsibility. Once you know something, then you’re faced with choices.

  • Do you change or stay the same?
  • Take action or pretend nothing happened? Plausible deniability rarely works in your favor.
  • Accept this at face value or dive deeper?

We avoid this responsibility by pursuing busywork. By staying “busy” you don’t have to slow down to reflect on your actions, feelings, and words. Thus avoiding what you may find out and what it will ask of you.

I see this occur in leadership. The founder recognizes there are problems within the team and seeks help. This is a great first step. However, many don’t make it to the next step because they lack curiosity about their role in the problem. What are they doing (explicitly or implicitly) to contribute to the problem? What habits do they need to change? What worked well in the past, but can’t carry us into the future? And if you’re in survival mode, it’s easier to focus on the manual work than the emotional/mental work.

“Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. It wasn’t always a choice; we were born curious. But over time, we learn that curiosity, like vulnerability, can lead to hurt. As a result, we turn to self-protecting — choosing certainty over curiosity, armor over vulnerability, and knowing over learning.”

Brené Brown | Researcher, Storyteller & Texan

Curiosity can be uncomfortable, but I encourage you to dig deep. Ask questions to better understand yourself and others. Use curiosity to understand versus validate. And surround yourself with people who are curious, striving for improvement, and passionate about their life. I’m cheering for you!

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What are you curious about? What will you explore next?