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5 Tips for Managers When Communicating

March 21, 2024 Leadership

In the second interview, Eva sits down with Melissa K. Jones, leadership and operations coach. Melissa shares stories from her experience as a first-time manager. During the conversation, she highlights 5 communication tips for new managers.

5 Communication Tips

  1. If you want to be promoted, share your goals. Don’t assume people know where you want to go.
  2. Define your management boundaries with peers. Reset boundaries as needed.
  3. Be aware of how your verbal and body language are perceived. You set the tone for your team’s energy.
  4. Be open to learning with your team when faced with challenges. Ask questions.
  5. Adapt your communication to meet the needs of each individual and scenario.
Women Leading People is a talking series hosted by Eva Evangelou.
  • 1:08 how Melissa got her first role in management
  • 1:59 share your goals with your boss
  • 3:01 what do your performance and relationships show
  • 4:03 establish boundaries
  • 8:04 be friendly, but not friends
  • 10:46 how to give constructive feedback
  • 14:40 taken seriously and being respected
  • 19:20 management challenges and annual reviews
  • 20:48 self-awareness and impact
  • 22:28 employees who learn at different speeds
  • 23:28 get to know your employees
  • 24:13 importance of regular 1:1 meetings
  • 26:17 communication tips
  • 29:01 recognize employee efforts
  • 31:01 balancing vulnerability while leading
  • 34:45 relating to different employees
Transcript

0:02

hi everyone and welcome welcome to the second interview of women leading people i’m so excited to have my guest

0:09

melissa k jones joining us today and today’s interview is going to be around five communication tips for new

0:16

managers but really we’re going to be covering all of melissa’s story how she got into management and how she has spent the

0:22

last well melissa you’ll tell us how many years but she’s had 20 years of experience as a leader as a leader and now she

0:30

leads businesses and helps businesses um to drive really great results so really excited to have you here

0:36

melissa thank you so much for joining thank you for the invitation evan i’m excited to be here

0:44

wonderful so this woman leading people has been put together to help to inspire and empower women as people managers and i’m

0:51

trying to bring in as many women leaders as i can to help tell their stories and to help empower you

0:56

with their stories as well now we will be open to any comments or questions that you have so feel free

1:02

at any point in the chat just to type in your question and we’ll try to get through it during the interview as well um so

1:08

melissa will get started can you just start by telling us about your how you got into your first role

1:14

within management yes so my first

1:20

jump into leadership for my career was right around the end of my 20th year

1:27

right before my 21st birthday i was working for a property management company at the time here in the states and had an excellent boss

1:36

and she knew my desire to grow within the company and to move up

1:42

into a leadership role and so it had been something that we had talked about in

1:47

our one-on-one reviews and then when a position had opened up she

1:53

shared it with me so that i was able to apply and so i think one the first

1:59

communication tip if you’re starting out or have a desire to be in a leadership management role is to communicate your

2:05

goals with your boss like people don’t know what you want until you tell them

2:10

and so having that conversation early and sharing your goals and not

2:16

expecting them to automatically like assume that you want a promotion and then keeping that communication

2:22

open over the time even if you don’t get that initial role and you’re waiting for something else to

2:27

open up so that’s really important as well with that initial role i was in that

2:33

position for about three months and then i transferred out to a lateral position

2:41

at another property which required me to move to another state and at that property then i did

2:49

the first hiring and bringing on vendors so it was a big role in really just

2:55

proving myself and who i was and what i was capable of but i would say also just going back to

3:01

like trying to get into your first role it’s really important that your performance shows that you’re capable

3:06

of doing work but also how you work with your peers like what’s that

3:12

relationship look like because management is more about personal relationships than it is about

3:19

high performers yeah so you found yourself pretty early on within the

3:24

stages of your career knowing that that’s what you wanted to do how did you find that transition from

3:30

working with your peers to then obviously managing some of them

3:38

so at a young age i would say it was very hard specifically when that first initial

3:44

role when i’m going directly from peers to then a promotion so the one thing that helped me is i wasn’t

3:51

moving directly above my peers but i was still friends with peers that

3:57

were in the role that i was moving into so the and it continues to happen

4:03

throughout my career any time that you’re going into a leadership role a lot of times it’s sometimes within the

4:09

same department or complementary department that you’ve worked with people in that department before

4:14

so two and the communication tips is make sure that you define what the boundaries are now that

4:21

you’re in this new role or reset what those boundaries are it can be really challenging especially

4:26

if you have closer friendships with peers because they’ll

4:32

want to still have those same type of relationships but when you’re in a management role

4:37

you’re responsible for other people and so you’re not allowed to play favorites

4:43

you need to treat everyone the same there’s information that you can’t disclose because you’re looking out for the

4:48

business and for the team and so defining those boundaries is

4:54

critical in order to maintaining the relationship but also having that respect from everybody that you are now

5:01

responsible for so number two define and reset boundaries and i think

5:07

that’s such a hugely important one because like you said it will be people in different departments who you

5:13

will have had a different relationship with so i’d love to hear in practice how do

5:18

you actually have that conversation how do you sit someone down do you call a meeting and what did you say

5:25

and how did they take it if you have some examples from your first experience so

5:34

telling on my age that was a long time ago i would say over 15 years ago so the way that i feel

5:41

the conversation then was way different than how i would how i’d handle the conversation now

5:48

then i didn’t handle the conversation well i would say like one of the first

5:54

things that i had to do when i that first role where i was only there for three months my first time into leadership

6:00

i had to let go of an employee and that was

6:07

really tough because i considered that person a friend outside of work but also within the workplace like they

6:13

weren’t measuring up to the performance standards and there was different things going on and so

6:19

that was a really difficult conversation for me and i know that i didn’t manage it well at the time and

6:27

the good thing is i think with growth and being adults you understand like

6:32

your role and those situations and so we are still

6:38

acquaintances slash friends for that reason now um we could definitely have a

6:44

conversation i ran into them years later in a different setting and we got along well but at that time i

6:51

would say like now looking back what i would do differently is

6:57

exactly what i explained say you know i enjoy our friendship and i enjoy like

7:03

working with you like if they’re not a friend but just like a close acquaintance within the department and say you know i want you to excel and

7:11

i want to do well in my role in order to help everyone that’s on the team so these are the things that

7:17

are going to have to change in order for us to work together so just laying out what the specific

7:24

things are saying like there are certain things that i can’t discuss with you and defining what those

7:30

are so like you can’t define promotions you can’t define salaries you can’t share

7:36

um performance issues like there’s things that you can’t talk about anymore because of the privacy and of

7:44

each individual on the team and respecting those people they wouldn’t want their story told to anybody else so the same applies in that situation

7:53

and again not favoritism so like

7:58

i really had to pull back and not be friends with people that were on

8:04

my team i can be friendly with people on my team i can know them i can know what their interests are i can have like

8:10

great one-on-one relationships because i want to see people excel in their role and be promoted take on

8:16

additional responsibilities but i can’t be your friend because it just creates

8:22

really sticky situations because honestly like we’re all human like we have

8:28

curiosity we want the best for ourselves we tend to be selfish we think things are

8:33

about us when they’re not about us we have a tendency sometimes to overthink situations or to perceive them

8:39

differently based off of like our own personal experiences so really defining in those boundaries and

8:47

having that conversation up front and then also to like if there are things that you notice throughout

8:52

the relationship that you didn’t define initially having that conversation in

8:57

like bringing them back up to speed say like i know i did this in the past this is where i’m at now this is what

9:05

needs to change or what can’t happen and communicating it to them

9:11

if you’re assuming that they know or just like trying to sweep it under the rug

9:17

that’s when elephants grow in the room and it becomes really awkward and it can make

9:22

a bad situation where their performances starts to decline it can increase gossip and so

9:29

as a leader it’s your responsibility to have those hard conversations it’s your responsibility to make sure

9:36

that the elephant doesn’t get in the room and a lot of time the elephant gets in the room because we’re afraid to have those conversations

9:42

definitely and i think those are two great tips so putting yourself forward for the type of role that you want and

9:48

communicating that because people won’t know and also having those difficult conversations setting the

9:54

expectations of the new ways of working together i guess it’s also considering that sometimes

9:59

letting someone go even though it definitely won’t feel like that in the moment is ultimately probably a better move for

10:06

that person because they’re also not getting what they would need to

10:11

excel in their careers so it’s definitely bad news to hear but it probably gives them a much better

10:17

opportunity in future so seeing the potential benefit in the long term that will come from that can

10:22

probably help to make that decision a little bit easier or that conversation a little bit easier

10:28

rather i know that’s definitely something that i’ve had to do as well and it was it was tough um so great so

10:34

having those difficult conversations what’s next

10:41

i would say um in regards to the difficult conversations because i think that’s something that a lot of people

10:46

struggle with like how do i give constructive feedback how do i give feedback when like the performance

10:52

isn’t meeting expectations or you know that someone’s capable of more and i think that first starts with

10:58

making sure that you’re having regular one-on-ones with your team members and really when you’re in a management

11:05

role it’s about people more than it is about performance because if you can get those people

11:10

relationships and you can understand like what stressors they have what motivates them what their goals are

11:16

what their learning styles are all these different things then you can really get out of their way so that they

11:23

can perform really well but also support them and their goals and their

11:28

career whether that’s long term with the company or whether that’s just momentarily within this chapter and they

11:34

do exceptionally well so having those one-on-one conversations is critical because then you build that

11:41

rapport and that trust with the employee that you really care about who they are what their goals are

11:46

that their career path whether it’s within the department or whether they want to long-term move into another role

11:52

or whether this company is a stepping stone for them into something else and that’s completely fine but building

11:59

that trust and rapport because then when it comes time that their performance slides

12:05

or there’s maybe a behavioral issue with a colleague that you can then

12:11

address it and say this is what i’m perceiving

12:17

and then describe the situation ask them [Music] to then share what they saw or

12:24

like what they were doing because you don’t want to automatically assume that you know what was going on

12:30

or to attack them by saying and i put

12:35

parentheses for attack but you don’t want to automatically come at somebody and say i saw you did

12:41

this why did you do this like that automatically makes people close down and become defensive

12:48

and really you are wanting to help them so saying exactly what you observed

12:56

and then asking them to describe the situation to you because there could be and a lot of times there are nuances to

13:03

the situation that you are not aware of so i’ll give you an example one time

13:10

i was sending out emails that had directions for employees in regards to compliance issues

13:15

and i needed them to respond to the email and so majority people responded timely and then i had a

13:21

couple people that were still struggling and hadn’t responded yet and so at the time and

13:29

again this is all part of like the maturity growth curve i saw it as disrespectful because i thought that it was

13:36

intentional that they were choosing to respond and weren’t taking me seriously and

13:44

so i went and had a conversation with the employee and understanding then like the nuance of

13:51

they were just busy and they were overwhelmed and it had nothing to do with me or a lack of

13:57

respect it was just more a matter of like needing help to manage the amount of information that

14:03

was coming through to them and so i think that’s why it’s so important to have

14:08

those one-on-one conversations and build those relationships because then you can understand like the nuance behind different situations when they

14:15

arise so that way you can help people instead of assume things

14:22

and then discourage them even more yeah i think always giving your team and

14:27

this is probably good for all of your communications assume the best until you’re you’re proven otherwise

14:34

because a lot of the times there there will be things that are missing and you actually brought up a really interesting point you said at the time

14:40

you were worried whether they weren’t taking you seriously or that you weren’t being

14:46

respected which is probably quite a common thing to feel as a new manager right you’ve

14:52

come into the role and you’re asking people to do things and people aren’t doing them and then you just

14:58

you kind of you feel that you feel that so how how did you get around that and how did

15:03

you how did you work with that um and kind of yeah i guess handle it

15:10

so i would also go to say that i don’t think that situation is specific to new

15:16

managers i think that extends throughout the lifetime of being responsible for

15:22

people that our ego creeps up and we take things personally and

15:29

it really requires daily to be self-aware of like what our own personal challenges

15:36

are and making sure that we don’t project those on to situations with the people that we’re responsible for but

15:44

in regards to like having that respect to be taken seriously it really comes

15:51

down to communication again and so piggybacking off the previous

15:56

point is like once you ask them to explain the situation then talk to them to say okay these are

16:03

the things that i need from you and the reason why i need them from you because a lot of

16:08

times we know things and we’re just so busy and like

16:13

managing relationships and managing work and making sure that we’re meeting metrics and all the things for the

16:18

department that we forget to share like the importance or the reasoning

16:24

behind all the asks that we have and so

16:30

taking time to explain it to the individual to say okay this is the importance behind it this is

16:36

how it impacts others on the team this is how it impacts customers whatever the case may be so when you put

16:43

them in that position of then ownership of saying like now i know like

16:49

how my role impacts other people and these are the tools and resources that i

16:54

have and she’s doing this for me then it builds that level of respect i always

17:01

believe that you have to respect somebody else in order for them to respect you like respect ideally

17:08

it’s something that should automatically happen um but also i believe that respect just

17:14

like trust is brene brown talked about it a jar of marbles for trust

17:20

and so like there’s a baseline of coming into a relationship you have a standard of trust and respect

17:25

but with every interaction like you can lose marbles or you can add marbles to the jar

17:31

and sometimes like there’s really bad situations that can occur where you can tip the jar over and then it’s really hard to start

17:38

over again so i think keeping that analogy in mind that

17:44

everything that you do contributes to building respect with a team like do your actions match up with what

17:51

you’re telling them to do and the same with trust so in regards to like do they take me

17:58

seriously do they respect me do your actions match your words it’s

18:04

really easy for people in management positions to say that the rules don’t apply to me because i’m

18:10

like i’m in this role i need to do this for some outlier reason and

18:16

so changing things to benefit you and there are probably certain circumstances

18:23

where there will be different things that apply to the team than you if that’s the case

18:29

then it needs to be clearly communicated why they’re extenuating circumstances that

18:35

allow that otherwise if you’re just personally doing it because you can

18:40

then the team will not take you seriously they’ll not take what you’re asking of them seriously and it just

18:48

then contributes to poor performance and hinders morale and retention on the

18:55

team and so respect and being taken seriously really comes with do you do what you say

19:03

you’re going to do and do you lead by example definitely it’s still so important to be

19:10

leading by example even like you said the rules should still apply to you and you should be setting them for

19:16

your team and living by them as well so what other challenges did you face what

19:21

were some of the biggest challenges that you faced in that in that management role

19:27

i would say some of the biggest challenges is one of the first ones and we talked

19:33

about this briefly was annual reviews and so

19:38

the first time that i did an annual review again it was the first team that i had

19:43

really hired everyone on staff and i

19:49

didn’t know the importance of the annual review i had my own previously

19:55

but i didn’t understand like the impact of the entire

20:00

the importance of it and how it impacts someone’s feelings and their outlook and their

20:06

performance and all of that and so in going through and getting ready for

20:12

the performance review i didn’t prepare for it like i should have i didn’t go through each individual step and

20:18

really be intentional about giving it time and thought i was just checking it off on my list

20:23

and so then when it came down to have that conversation with the employee

20:29

i was really like half effort through it i didn’t give it my all and

20:37

the employee could feel that and they were really discouraged and they

20:42

shared that discouragement with others and it became a learning opportunity for me

20:48

on the impact that my words have on my team how i need to prepare for

20:54

every situation because i may not understand like how it’s received and so i need to be intentional

21:01

with my words and my actions and so i just felt so bad about that because i

21:08

had you know it wasn’t intentional like they were valuable and they did great work but there was

21:14

nothing that stood out to me that was like outstanding and i think that’s like the key here is

21:21

like when you’re a leader you’re going to have team members with all different types of performance

21:27

you’re going to have people that struggle you’re going to have people that do what it needs just to meet the

21:32

performance expectations and then you’re going to have people that go above and beyond the people that go above and beyond are

21:38

going to be easy i mean you can see those accomplishments they’re easy to like

21:44

document to share and to put in their personnel file the people that have challenges again

21:52

same thing like they’re visible you know it you’ve talked about it you’ve observed it but sometimes it’s those

21:57

people that are just like in the middle that are just doing what they need that it’s going to be more challenging

22:02

to have those conversations and so hindsight being 20 20.

22:09

that’s where it’s more critical again to have like those one-on-one conversations to get to know the employee like what’s

22:15

important to them what are their goals like what you know is driving them

22:21

what are their situations because i would say like then years later in a different position i

22:28

had another employee who was a slow learner and it took them a

22:35

while to get up to speed on new information and

22:42

because it was like in a compliance industry it was a lot of detail and so having that conversation with

22:49

that individual was really helpful because then i could understand like the specific things that they struggled with

22:54

but i also saw that they really wanted to learn they really

23:00

wanted to try and so by having that conversation and really understanding them better

23:05

then i could give them more room to learn and tools that they needed and support

23:11

that they needed and then over time they became a mentor for other new employees so i

23:17

think the tying that all together from like the first part where it’s like a huge

23:23

challenge and then just learning like how to better communicate

23:28

and ask those questions and really get to know your employees so that you can support them

23:34

is really critical because it’s the difference between discouraging somebody so that they no

23:40

longer want to show up and perform and they look for another job and someone that then can

23:47

continue to excel because they know that you support them and that they can shine it within that business

23:54

and then help others on the team excel as well that’s awesome so with this hindsight of

24:02

you know the annual reviews are really important what would you say is really important to prepare like what would you prepare

24:08

now before going into an annual review

24:13

so it again ties back to one-on-ones so the more often that you have the

24:20

one-on-ones the more information that you have on a regular basis so it makes that you know reviews a lot easier

24:25

um that wasn’t the case when i first started out and so when it’s been a year and you don’t have

24:33

like documentation of things throughout the year to what they’ve done well at what their

24:39

learning opportunities what challenges they’ve encountered and overcome different things of that nature then it

24:45

makes it a lot more challenging when it comes to annual reviews because i mean we’re human we are not going to

24:51

remember things and so typically then when it comes to that time you’re going to remember the things

24:56

that probably happened within the last quarter the last 90 days which really isn’t reflective of the

25:02

entire year and their growth during that time so the frequency and

25:07

cadence of those one-on-ones is key and making sure that you document them and whether it’s qualitative or

25:15

quantitative and seeing like their progression and growth during that time so that way then you do have

25:21

things that are tangible that you can address and talk about during the annual review so that makes it a lot easier for you as

25:26

a leader but then also more effective when you’re talking about specific metrics or specific company

25:32

values that need to be addressed and ideally both quantitative and qualitative

25:38

in fact we know some large businesses have completely abolished the annual reviews and they just don’t run them

25:44

they’ve replaced that with regular and ongoing feedback so it’s kind of like an exam

25:49

don’t leave it until you know the last week just to cram and do everything you should kind of be putting the work

25:55

in every week or regularly when you’re speaking to your employees to make sure that you have something very valuable and have

26:01

good feedback and we know that people act on feedback much better if they receive it

26:06

um immediately just after something they’re more likely to remember it so i think like you said coming back to

26:12

not just the annual review being the one big time where you where you have communication

26:17

with your your employees so what is what is our next communication tip for managers

26:26

i would say also be aware of your delivery and also your

26:33

physical like presentation meaning like how you come across to people i think it’s really i’ll say for myself

26:41

when i’m extremely focused on my work it’s easy for my presence my face to be very serious

26:49

do you have a seriousness and not approachable can you show us your serious faith when

26:55

you’re watching it’s probably during this call when i’m like very focused on delivering a point

27:03

right exactly but i think so just being cognizant of how you come

27:10

across both in your vocal delivery but also in your physical delivery that you are approachable and how your

27:17

demeanor like if you’re positive negative because the energy that you bring to the room that you bring to the

27:24

team is transferable people vibe off of that and pick it up and so like if you come in to the team i

27:31

know most of us are working online now but like let’s say that you enter a

27:36

virtual meeting like how you immediately like greet people and just like your body

27:41

language is it open is it like smiling is it making eye contact as much as we can through a

27:48

video um just those little things like really allow other people to like show

27:53

up and feel seen and feel comfortable having a conversation and even sometimes like those chats

28:02

where you just say hi i’m glad to see you glad you’re here and then words and how we deliver them

28:09

so i tend to be a very direct person and so i have to be very aware

28:15

that when i do share information or have an ask that how i deliver it is received well

28:24

because otherwise someone may be confused they may take offense and

28:30

really i’m just in the moment and making a direct ask is nothing more nothing less and so i don’t

28:36

think that it’s necessary that we need to be flowery and add like a ton of extra like

28:42

verbiage in order to send the message but i do think that it’s like

28:47

including a greeting and recognizing the person and seeing that they’re there is key and then also

28:56

making sure that you appreciate them i think a lot of times we’re so busy in our own work as managers even as

29:01

employees that we don’t pause to recognize the efforts of people on the team and yes there are things that are just

29:09

part of our job but it doesn’t matter like thank you for being here thank you for showing up thank you for the effort

29:15

that you put into the project all of those things make a huge difference

29:20

and they are breathing oxygen into somebody’s work like it gives them

29:27

the initial fuel and energy that they need to continue going on when they have outside stressors and outside work

29:32

and i can remember like some of my favorite bosses and mentors are ones that

29:39

recognized my work and took time to send a note or a card and i still have those

29:45

now um so i think really like your impact on others is so much greater than sometimes

29:52

we realize because again of the own work that we have so just being aware of

29:58

again your presence how you come across to people what you say what you do it means a lot

30:05

definitely and i remember one of my first managers he would typically come in and say good morning to everyone before

30:11

he sat down and he’d always be quite cheerful and some days he would come in and just

30:16

sit right down at his desk and kind of focus and he’d he’d have that faith i definitely have this face when i’m

30:23

focused on something my my family always tell me why why are you making that face so

30:28

he would make that face and we would all think what’s happened has one of us done something wrong because we always think

30:33

it’s a it’s about us sometimes and i think oh what have we messed up now what account is really angry and we’ve

30:39

caused an issue so i think just just being aware that sometimes you’re almost you shouldn’t be in a bad

30:46

mood or if you are you need to like suck it up and just get on the call and don’t transfer the rest of that bad mood

30:53

to everybody yeah i think yes just being conscious of

31:01

that and i’ll say also to like as leaders we’re human too so you know if there’s something going

31:08

on like you can share to the extent that you’re comfortable i don’t have a tendency to over share

31:15

because i don’t think that it’s relevant or important because

31:20

we’re there to serve the team but also too i think it’s important to still have that relationship that we’re human too

31:27

and that we struggle with different things i think sometimes by opening up and having those conversations then you get your team to open up as well

31:34

because a lot of times they can see us as

31:39

invincible or like there’s this appearance that anybody that’s in position of power is like invincible or perfect or you know

31:46

certain things don’t affect them and i know that that has been the tradition for a lot of years and well i think that

31:54

there is value in emotional maturity and emotional discipline there are times

32:01

where it is helpful to open up and say like these are the things that are going on

32:06

and let’s address them let’s share them let’s have a conversation about it and then like

32:11

keep moving i would say specifically like if there’s you know the pandemic for

32:17

example i think like it stresses everybody so if you’re a leader to say look this

32:24

is stressing me out just as it is you i’m sure and like these are the different things

32:30

that i am doing these are the different areas maybe that i’m struggling with and opening up and having that conversation

32:35

with your team puts everybody at ease because one then they know that they’re not struggling alone

32:41

that you can come together and talk about ideas about how you can work through the situation

32:46

but also like not dwelling on it because the point of being a leader is to inspire hope

32:52

to lead the way and to help people so there’s a balance there and you need to

32:58

keep that in mind when you’re going through those types of conversations and you also bring up a really good

33:03

point about most of us or a lot of us working from home now and communication your physical presence

33:09

your mood will be very different you don’t see people in the office all day so i wonder what advice you might have

33:16

or suggestions for managers who are doing this remotely in order to be able to maintain that for

33:21

their teams

33:28

so like one of what if you’re not able to obviously me and a

33:33

lot of us aren’t anymore you can still have phone conversations like don’t force people to do video

33:39

conversations people are exhausted of video conversations and video meetings

33:44

um oh a walking phone call is so much better because then you can

33:50

both like there’s something about like being out in nature and walking and like you have a little bit more

33:55

clarity of thought and so even if it’s just for like 15 minutes a week

34:00

checking in to say like how are you doing how are your projects doing what do you need help with you know what’s coming up on your plate

34:07

those little things that show that you care that you’re making time for them but also like respectful of like their energy in their

34:14

space i think there’s also this fear that because people are working remotely that they’re afraid that they’re not getting

34:19

their work done or they’re not being asked productive because you can’t see them in the office and

34:25

it’s really important more now than ever is to continue to build in that trust

34:32

and so again just checking in doing the phone call sending them notes

34:39

um even sometimes if it’s just like a meme or a gif that’s relevant to something that

34:45

you know about them i think there’s different people that you have different you know conversations with so for

34:51

example i had an employee that loved uh cartoons comics they had their own comic store

34:59

and i they wanted to run their own business and i knew that was important to them and so like i could share things that

35:05

were relevant to that individual because it made sense to them that wouldn’t make sense to anybody else

35:11

that’s showing that you care about them so i think we can do that more now is like if you have those conversations

35:16

what are the little things that will cheer them up um maybe it’s just sending like an audio book

35:22

a lot of times it doesn’t have to be expensive but and there’s a budget for it within the company but to show that you care and that

35:28

you’re there to support them even if you can’t see them and maybe it’s sending a snack

35:35

there’s a lot of different things that you can do and so i think again just remembering that

35:42

we’re all in this together and i know that it’s a cliche but really like we’re all human we all

35:48

have stresses we all want to be seen and so what can you do to support them

35:54

yeah and like you said it’s really important to just have a personalized approach for every person right because

36:00

everyone’s going to be a little bit different and if you’re paying attention if you’re listening then you can do something that’s going

36:05

to be you know that’s going to hit the mark and we’ve actually got a relevant question that’s just come in i’ll pop

36:11

that up so do you find it uh challenging dealing with cultural differences

36:16

in attitudes and behaviors at work thanks so much neil

36:22

thank you for the question so i think that’s a great question and especially

36:27

in the climate that we’re at in where there’s an increased focus on inclusion diversity and

36:34

[Music] making sure that our numbers within our teams reflect that

36:41

so i’ll start from the beginning that through the entire course of my career

36:48

whether hiring promoting working beside it’s always been diverse

36:53

i’ve been blessed in that opportunity so it’s been rare that i haven’t

36:59

worked with people that were not from a different culture what i would say is that there

37:08

sometimes seems to be within a lot of literature at this time that’s more formalized

37:16

that it makes it tough and just sticky and it’s not it doesn’t need

37:23

to be that way like at the end of the day like what i was saying earlier is we all share similar fears

37:31

similar concerns we all still want the same things out of life so if you just treat the individual

37:38

in front of you with respect and care and ask questions to get to know who they are

37:44

what they value what’s important to them like leave everything outside like

37:50

i don’t care what people’s religion is i don’t care like what their political beliefs are like who are you as a person

37:57

and like what’s important to you and then once you get to know that person then you can like really help them

38:05

and i would say probably 80 of my last team

38:12

and that might be a little bit higher um was from a different culture and

38:19

so i didn’t have a challenge working with them because again i saw

38:25

that as individuals now i will say like each individual is going to have different things that are important to them and so

38:31

yes you will have different challenges with each individual person because they have different desires they have

38:36

different dreams they have different stressors at home but if you have those conversations to get to know who they are

38:43

then it makes it so much easier to work with them and so just making sure that i’m

38:51

answering your question it is the attitudes and behaviors do you think that there are

38:56

behaviors that are innate to certain cultures but also i would

39:03

encourage you to be careful with that because a lot of times we have this

39:09

stereotype of cultures that has been presented to us through the media that’s wrong

39:17

it may apply to certain people but it doesn’t apply to all and so again that goes back to the

39:23

importance of building those one-on-one relationships because you really do yourself a disservice if you assume that because

39:31

they belong to a certain culture they’re automatically going to have this attitude or behavior or belief or whatever the case may be

39:37

every single person is going to be different and so i think if

39:43

anything yes there is a challenge probably when you’re first starting to develop those relationships and that challenge

39:50

comes from fear of being rejected fear of embarrassment phil of like

39:56

it’s awkward to have conversation and not knowing where it is but there’s also strength in being

40:02

vulnerable strength and having the courage to have those conversations and it’s really just like if you’re

40:10

mindful and intentional about your words and how you come across and really genuinely show that you care

40:16

that you’re curious that you want to get to know them for who they are and to help them and then everything else you can wash

40:22

away so i would really encourage to anyone listening like those one-on-one relationships are

40:29

critical whether you’re leading a team or just building relationships with people from different cultures

40:36

thanks so much melissa i think what what came to mind when i was looking at the question as well were

40:42

just attitudes towards work or work-life balance even for example i know this is

40:48

definitely something that comes up when i’m working in the uk when i or europe and talking to people from the states

40:54

working hours or you know taking holidays this is extremely different and when i’m

41:00

managing a team that’s across both um i think that um that definitely

41:06

comes up i’ll just bring up uh response great answer i definitely think that women in senior roles tend to be better at seeing the individual

41:12

rather than necessarily the the cultural differences but what do you think about attitudes

41:18

towards uh work now that’s a great question so

41:24

yes there is definitely a difference between like and european culture

41:32

other um countries

41:37

so one up front i haven’t had to address that i haven’t had that within my

41:42

experience where i need to like figure out how to adapt to that so i think it goes back to like any time when

41:48

you’re in a new situation is getting to know the other person and like what is like their standard

41:55

and then also understanding like what the company needs and then trying to figure out like how can you balance that within the

42:01

middle i would say even within the pandemic like there’s been such a shift in work performance standards

42:08

because people now obviously they’ve had kids at home and so there’s a lot of what was

42:14

structured previously has been thrown out the window and there’s a lot more flexibility and like scheduling

42:20

and projects and work so specifically like i think defining

42:28

what needs to be done like what are the things that the business needs to obtain

42:33

what are the business goals and like what are the individual goals and then how people choose to like achieve it that’s

42:40

where probably we need to have a lot more flexibility and saying like okay if you choose to

42:46

like have a different schedule if you need like more break time or whatever the case may be

42:51

as long as the work gets done me personally i don’t care like as long as the work gets done and the work gets done well

42:59

how you do it or when you do it really doesn’t matter to me now i will say

43:04

how you do it there will be some nuance to that because there are certain industries and certain types of

43:09

work where it is very particular and that’s important but in regards to like cultural

43:16

differences where i think the laid back and get work

43:21

done and work is a i was thinking about this the other day

43:26

i think the biggest is some people choose like

43:31

work just like it’s a means to survival where people other people live to work and so

43:40

that is a huge difference because it impacts how people show up in their

43:45

drive and what they do and

43:51

there’s room for both and there’s a reason for both so i believe that you can find some

43:57

middle ground or balance in between the two so again great question thank you for asking and

44:03

making me think about that well i guess it’s also sometimes a company defining what their

44:08

culture is going to be and i think that’s going to become increasingly important as we’re working more globally and remotely with

44:15

employees everywhere with so much flexibility it’s going to be up to every business to define that and communicate that to

44:22

their organization but i know we’re coming up to time so melissa i’d love to recap you know what you think your five

44:28

communication tips for managers uh are and then also just to hear more about what you’re doing right now

44:35

great thank you so first one share your goals make sure that you clearly define your

44:40

goals if you’re wanting to move up in a position whether you want to move up into management or whether you’re already in management

44:46

want to move up to an executive position then make sure that you define your

44:51

boundaries and reset them as needed when working with peers that you are number three self-aware

44:58

with how your words are received for being open to learning from your

45:03

team asking questions and making sure that you have that open dialogue

45:08

and then five understanding how you may need to adapt your communication style

45:13

to again like the needs of different teams or different cultures like you were saying and so

45:19

just being aware of your presence that’s great so melissa tell us a little bit more about what you’re what you’re working on

45:26

right now so my favorite project right now is a little bit traditional it’s going back

45:33

to having a monthly print newsletter for leaders in business and it focuses on

45:39

three pillars leadership mindset and operations specifically like customer success and i send that out every month

45:47

to readers and i love it it’s an easy way for people to step away unplug and to get some

45:55

information that’s relevant to their role that can encourage them and empower them to be better leaders

46:01

that’s wonderful thank you so much and we will share the details in the comments below so do look out for those but melissa thank you so much

46:09

uh for joining me this evening it’s been an absolute pleasure and hearing your story um yeah feel free

46:15

to post any questions and we will respond to those and yeah i hope you have a great rest of the day

46:22

have a great day thank you bye

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I'm Melissa, a leadership and operations coach for service-based small businesses. 20+ years of experience helping businesses better lead teams and serve clients in new home construction, health insurance, non-profit, property management, retail, and more. My experience is diverse but has one thing in common. “How can I best serve the person in front of me?” I reside in Kansas City and serve clients nationwide. I enjoy meeting people and look forward to getting to know you!

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