This coaching tip was originally published in the Coaching for Excellence newsletter.
A therapist can’t fix your personal relationship issues. In the same way, executive and leadership coaches can’t fix your team relationship issues. Coaches are guides, not crutches.
To improve a relationship, regardless of context, you must be willing to do the work. Oftentimes, we avoid the work because it requires more emotional and mental labor than we’re ready to invest. So instead, you’ll try to outsource the work or focus on projects and tasks you can control.
When you avoid the work, it will continue to reappear in new relationships. This is because you’re part of the equation in the relationship.
When you look back at your relationships with employees, contractors, or vendors, what are the recurring patterns?
- How did you respond to conflict?
- How did these relationships end?
- How did you respond when they ended?
Were these situations a natural progression of growth? Or were they a result of the other person’s behavior and they alone are to blame?
Social media encourages you to “protect your peace” by avoiding conflict and people who challenge you. This is misguided and wrong. All it does is create a bubble where you become complacent and ineffective as a leader.
Great leaders get curious about conflict instead of avoiding it. They see challenges as an opportunity to seek understanding versus a threat to their position.
Today’s “protecting your peace” creates empresses without any clothes. Founders who continue to misstep because those around them are discouraged from speaking up. It encourages pride and creates a false sense of security.
True peace comes from having the courage to have difficult conversations and trust the process. Knowing you’ve established a relationship that can weather conflict because it was founded on trust and care.
What insecurities do you need to address so they don’t impede your growth as a leader? What are you doing to strengthen the foundation of your relationships in business? I’m cheering for you!
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